January 11, 2013

• WOULD YOU DISOWN YOUR CHILD?

  

  There are many stories out there about parents and how they handled the news that their child was gay.  This is my story.

  Twelve years ago, I met my SO, Danny, and fell in love.  Now, I was fifty years old at the time with my years of child-raising finally behind me, or so I thought.  Danny was raising his two children, from a previous marriage, so if I was to get involved with him, I also had to involve myself with the raising of his children.  Believe me, taking on the responsibility of a 13 year old daughter and a 14 year old son was daunting, but I was determined to make us a family unit.  

  It wasn’t easy.  Both kids had issues stemming from their mother abandoning them; jealousy issues from me being in Danny’s life; and the normal angst of being teenagers.  They tested me constantly and tried my patience, especially during the first couple of years Danny and I were together.  But, I fell in love with them just as much as if they were my own.

  When our son was 17, I first started finding small signs that he was struggling with the fact that he was gay.  He became secretive about what he was doing on the computer, so I browsed around and found that he had been on Gay sites and he denied it when I asked him about it.  Now, since he was only 17, I went on the computer and blocked his access to the sites, but only because he was underage and I feared that he might entice a stalker. Phone calls made in the middle of the night would quickly end when Danny or I entered the room.  I didn’t discuss this with Danny as I honestly didn’t know what his reaction would be when he discovered his son was gay.

  Our son finally admitted to me that he was gay and that he was scared to tell his dad.  So, we agreed to keep it between us until he felt the time was right.  We really didn’t discuss it again and the years passed by.  After a heavy night of drinking, he blurted out the fact that he was gay to his father.  Danny was stunned, he refused to believe it and went into immediate denial.  It took months of discussion between Danny and I before he could accept his son’s choice of lifestyle.  Danny doesn’t like it, but he loves his son and deals with it as best he can.  He told our son that who he slept with was his business, that we loved him deeply, and we would always be there for him.

  Because, that’s what a parent does!  Your child might not make life choices you agree with or follow the direction in life that you took…but your child will always be a part of you and if you are smart and handle things right, your child will always be a part of your life.  To do otherwise, you risk not being in your child’s life and hurting your child by turning your back on them.  Unfortunately, some parents take this path.  I feel sorry for their loss.

  In the past few years, our son has struck out on his own but remains close to us.  We have basically adopted a “Don’t ask…don’t tell!” policy.  We don’t ask about his sex life, but we also don’t ask about our daughter’s sex life.  We feel that it is their private business and they have the right to choose whoever they want.  Our hope for all of our children is that they find true, lasting love and we don’t care what the gender is of the partner they select.  As long as they are safe and loved, than we are happy!

  We are not perfect parents, but we are parents who want to remain in our children’s lives until we pass on.  So, we accept their choices and support them.  Turn our backs on our kids? No way.  

  Thank you for listening to my story.   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

  • 6:46 am
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