December 31, 2012
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A DAY TO REFLECT
Well, it’s 5 A.M. on New Years Eve, and I am sitting here thinking about the past year: it’s ups, it’s downs, it’s challenges, and it’s changes.
My life changed completely in May; Danny almost lost his life to liver failure. A lifetime of heavy drinking had finally taken it’s toll. He survived and his doctor’s said that if he wanted to live, he must never drink again. Now, I’ll be honest, we were both big drinkers; this was hard news for both of us. But, Danny and I have been together for over twelve years, and I was not ready to lose him. So, we gave up drinking. No big deal…except that we were both heavy drinkers. But, I’m happy to say, neither of us have touched a drop since May and we feel better and are closer than ever.
My biggest challenge this year was being sole caregiver to Danny during his recovery. I feared that I would not be able to live up to the responsibilities required to nurse him back from the brink of death. It was perhaps the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But, Danny is recovering, so I guess I lived up to the challenge and my fears were for nothing! It has gotten easier every day to meet his needs and I can now look back at the dark days as a learning experience.
I was down a lot this year, and the hardest part was not being able to show it. I had to keep up a strong, optimistic front on a daily basis; and that was very difficult, when I lived in fear of losing my best friend. Tears had to be shed in the bathroom, when Danny was sleeping. I had not yet found Xanga, so I had no outlet for my feelings and I just kept them bottled up.
But this year has brought many rewards. Danny smiles now, and actually makes plans for the future. We laugh, we cuddle and we talk honestly to each other about our feelings. Our love has grown beyond anything I could have imagined. So, it was all worth it.
I have learned a lot about myself this year and am proud of what I’ve accomplished. I look forward to spending not only the new year, but many years, after that with the man I love. So, bring on 2013! I’m ready!
Comments (21)
Best wishes you both continue on the new path to health and happiness. I know all about not having anyone to talk to and xanga and my journal have been an outlet.
Thank you for the good wishes. Have a Happy New Year!
I lost my best friend in Aug 21st 2006 to liver damage. We started drinking in 8th grade and she continued to drink after the dr. told her -to drink is to die.
I think of her everyday and your blog made me sad for her all over. I wish I could have saved her but it was up to her and I wish she was still with us.
Such a loss. We have friends who would tell us their doctors told them not to drink…but they are anyway. Luckily, Danny heard the warning and takes it seriously. I am so sorry for your loss…and it is right to wish she had listened. But, you are also right in that it was her choice and there was nothing you could do to prevent it.! She is at peace now…take that comfort and thought into the new year with you! With much love and understanding.
M.E.@Texasjillcarmel -
yay for xanga helping you as an outlet
it does for me, too. even if these are ‘electronic’ connections, they have come to me much to me. don’t get me started 
i am sorry you have to be so strong, as in having to hide how you feel, but so glad your danny has you.
Without finding Xanga, I would still be all “bottled” up inside…it has literally saved my sanity. Thanks for sharing and for the mini!
It is HUGE that you guys gave up drinking together. Congrats on that and best wishes for a healthy and happy 2013!
That is really something to be proud of. On of my sons-in-law is a heave drinker. He also smokes and eats too much. He’s in his 40′s. The Dr. has told him to quit, but so far he hasn’t. Hope 2013 is a good year for you.
Xanga is an outlet for so many – burdens shared are often lightened. I’m glad that you are both on the road to a healther life together. Happy New Year!!
I am so glad I found you. You have managed to keep an uplifting attitude after all. Caregiving is both difficult for the caregiver and the receiver of that care. I know sometimes it felt like you were on one side and he on the other of a sinking boat. My husband has been part time caregiver to me. I can pretty well manage the simple stuff during the day, but after he gets off work there is dinner to fix, dogs to feed, pick up the house, dishes to do and on the way home to stop by the store and get whatever we need. This is a lot for a guy that gets up at 4:30 in the morning.
To skim just the cream I have had 4 strokes (1 major) 2 heart attacks, 2 bipass surgeries, 1 stint and have idiopathic cirrhosis of the liver (stage 4) Then October of 1212 they diagnosed me with cancer. Enough…let it suffice to say that when I go to the hospital I have a list I carry with me of with all my hospitalizations and medications….saves a whole bunch of time in triage. I tell you these things in hopes that you don’t feel alone in your battle.
I’ve heard it sait, “That which does not kill you, makes you stronger”. My husband and I have been married 31 years and I think living through these things just brought us closer together. I am proud of you.
Now we are going through the death of his father, he is the eldest son. They were very close, his mother even wants him to be pall bearer. I suggested to him that she choose the grown grandsons but I was shot down on that one. I think the best that I can do is to keep up the home fires, dad was a sweetheart and has called me his “daughter” for 31 years, but things get so confused at a time like this it is not the same with the children. That is okay, dad and I knew where I stood. And like I said if it don’t kill you it will only make you stronger.
Please understand if it is infrequent when i write until all this is over and then we will get to know one another better.
May you two continue to be healthy and wise in the new year. This was a heart warming story. Thanks for sharing.
@mommachatter - You are in my thoughts as you get through this difficult time.
@crankycaregiver - thanks so much and I hope you have a wonderful new year and many more.
Thank you. And a very happy and prosperous New Year to you and yours.@Pepin909 -
Sometimes people have to be “scared straight” in order to do what is necessary to regain their health. Let’s hope your son-in-law will see the light before he becomes seriously ill. Best wishes for a great New Year!@ata_grandma -
And a very Happy New Year to you and yours.@murisopsis -
You know, it’s funny. Whenever Danny would start feeling sorry for himself, I would point out that things could be much worse. And I would give him examples, such as children suffering through terminal illnesses. He would then realize just how lucky he is. Your story has left tears running down my cheeks and now, I too, feel that my challenges are so small next to the one’s you are facing.
Please accept my condolences to you and your husband on your loss. And I VERY much look forward to hearing from you when you are able. Please accept my best wishes for a happy and healthy New Year. My prayers will be with you both. Thanks for the rec…I am also very glad you found me! @mommachatter -
Thank you for reading and for the Rec. May you and yours have a happy and prosperous New Year!@armnatmom -
And the same to you and yours.@Texasjillcarmel -
Ha! You need a new xanga name now!
Oh, trust me! There are days when I am very cranky! Hope your New Year is great!@Donkey_Guy_10 -