January 27, 2013
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Do You Go To Bed Mad?
One of my mother’s pearls of wisdom when I was younger was the old “Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath!” In my younger years, I totally ignored that advice. I would lay in bed, going over whatever petty argument or disagreement I had with my man and just stew. I would think about all the things I should have said and the many reasons that I was right and he was just dead wrong.
As he lay in bed next to me, I would roll over to the very edge of the bed (sometimes rolling off) and listen to him softly snoring. His ignorance of just how mad I was would just add fuel to the fire! How could he ignore my cold stares, my tossing and my turning, my inability to sleep until he apologized? But, exhaustion would win and I would nod off eventually. In the morning, I would wake exhausted and look like I’d been on a three day bender.
As I grew older, I realized that this “Don’t go to bed mad” advice might have something to it. Since I was the only one paying the price, I had to come up with a new approach to ending arguments before slipping into bed. I adopted a “Lets agree to disagree” policy; I would postpone our discussing the issues until the morning and be sure I gave my man a good night kiss and some cuddling. After a good night’s sleep, we are usually much more clear-headed and willing to listen to the other’s views.
So, Mom, I guess you were right!
Do you go to bed mad? How do you resolve your disagreements before bed?
Comments (18)
yep. i do.
Amethyst and I don’t have angry quarrels so it’s not really a problem for us, but I do believe there are times when going to bed mad is the most correct option. When tempers are running hot and one or both parties are obstructing progress toward resolution (“winning” rather than solving), it’s best to take that other sage advice of sleeping on it. Or so it has proven to be in my life, anyway.
I don’t go to bed mad. There is no one to make me mad.
I do. Sometimes it’s better for both of us if we don’t discuss it again until the next day. We’re not always rational enough to just let it lie. ha!
Since we rarely disagree I don’t go to bed angry. When we do disagree it is minor and can be resolved quickly!
I can’t afford to get mad these days. Life is too short.
It’s a funny story. I always tell @Love_in_102 my rules for a happy relationship. This is one of those rules. Never go to bed angry with your S.O. and NEVER go to bed in the same room without kissing each other good night and saying “I love you”. I’ll go to sleep angry about some things, but I refuse to go to bed maf at somebody I love.
LOL
you roll off sometimes, huh?
i firmly agree with the axiom of not going to bed mad. i’ve found that in relationships, it’s easier to argue about it and face the problem at that point (or day), rather than putting it off and making it into a bigger psychological mountain than it should be.
I have gone to bed mad but I really don’t like the feeling. I never wake up rested because the problem is still there. As I get older I tend to think why waste all that energy on something that is really no big deal in the scope of life. Things do have a way of working out.
Well, who`s not? We all do, I think. We all do mistakes and we learn in the many years of our relation or marriage.
My mother did said the same thing to us all and we joke on it that we never will and we were asking why should we?
Ah, we were too young to understand it at that time. Ha!
Now, we know. Yes, your Mom and my Mom has said it right.
@crankycaregiver I’m all too familiar with going to bed angry. Normally, what I do is watch some shows online and on TV. That way, it gives me something else to think about, before actually falling asleep. Since I’m not married or been in any kind of relationship for the last nearly 7 years (of my choice), I don’t have to worry about arguing back and forth with a boyfriend. Although, I will tell you from past experiences, that I never and still don’t take too well to having an argument with somebody, who I was dating, dealing with listening to their personal digs and snide remarks. What’s really irksome is them having the nerve to sweep it under the rug and pretend nothing ever happened. I don’t do too well with that at all. I don’t want somebody whether I’m dating them or not, making personal digs at me, and then pretending that nothing happened by trying to buy me off with something. I most definitely don’t want them trying to hold me either cuz I will give them a shove or 5 across the eyes. LOL! I’m so violent, I know. LOL!
I rarely go to bed mad at Erik anymore. It’s more harm to me than to him. Boy, do I remember hugging the edge of my side of the mattress and resenting his rolling closer and trying to spoon me! It’s just not worth it to me to hold onto the anger and resentment. There is so much else to be thankful for that holding onto anger at the end of the day has become petty to me.
I don’t do mad anymore…it really riles up those who do though
As a problematic husband, I make my wife mad once in awhile. Later in my marriage I learned something. She gets mad. I get mad because she got mad. Then we make up. And best of all, after we make up, we often make out. Make out love making is among the best kinds–like reunions.
I am sorry you have this in your marriage, but it is totally normal.
This may sound sexist, but husbands just don’t get it many times and wives wonder what is wrong with them–nothing is wrong, that are just males.
Wishing you happier going to bed times.
frank
lol I think you actually missed the point of the phrase. It means you’re supposed to stay up and fight it out and reach a resolution before you crawl into bed. You WERE going to bed mad, and you still are. But when you’re arguing and tired, it just makes for dumber arguments and less attention, and more frustration.
Yes, we’ve gone to bed mad. Doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. And to be honest, half the time I’d wake up and forget we’d even been fighting. Now, we rarely argue.
Hehe – Such a cute photo… That’s what real love is… knowing how to put aside your anger.
I can’t sleep when I’m mad. I’m one of those people who have to resolve things. I agree with the others and with your post. It is better to know how to set things aside until another time.
i could never do that. i would never get any sleep!
After a good night’s sleep, we are usually much more clear-headed and willing to listen to the other’s views. latex mattress complaints