January 28, 2013
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I Don’t Mean To Laugh But…
I just can’t help myself!
My SO, Danny, is scheduled for his first ever colonoscopy tomorrow (I call this the ”Up Periscope” exam). For those who have not experienced this exciting adventure yet, there is a certain amount of preparation for the procedure, what the written instructions our doctor gave us called “Preparation Day”.
Now, on Preparation Day, you can have a light breakfast and then clear liquids only until after your procedure on the next day. Now, Danny did pretty good with this step. He didn’t start whining until I put a bowl of chicken broth in front of him for dinner.
“Where’s the chicken?” he asked. I told him that he couldn’t have solids.
“Where’s the noodles? You mean I can’t have noodles in my soup?” I again told him that noodles were considered a solid food and therefore not allowed.
“Then where’s the veggies?” he said. I promptly told him to shut up and eat his broth!
Now, the next step in preparing for this exam was what the instructions called the “Cleansing process.” For this step, our doctor called in a prescription for Danny and once I read the label, I knew trouble was on the horizon. After dinner, I prepared this vile smelling potion and told Danny to drink all of it. Well, I do value my life so I resisted taking out my camera and didn’t record the many faces that he made while he was drinking this magic elixir. Sympathetic as always, I suggested he drink it quickly and get it over with. He promptly told me…well, never mind. You get the picture.
Once he finished, Danny then had to drink two full glasses of water. He started to complain about all the liquid intake, claimed it was making his stomach hurt. I thought to myself, oh oh, here we go! After a few minutes, he rushed off to the bathroom and I haven’t seen him since. But, I know he’s all right, since he’s been sharing his feelings in a very loud way, by yelling through the closed bathroom door.
Oh, wait a minute, the bathroom door is opening as I write. Give me a minute, I’ll go check on him. OK, I’m back. He is now curled up in bed and feeling very sorry for himself. I asked if he was OK and he said, “No, I’m dying! I’ve lost all my insides!” Such a Drama King!
But, wait folks, there’s more to come! The “Cleansing Process” is not over. It’s a two step process and we get to repeat the drink and the whining and the complaining again tomorrow morning. Yup, fun times are ahead!
So, why am I laughing? I have no idea! I do feel sorry for him, honest, I do. Maybe the laughter is keeping me from shouting out, “Oh, for heavens sake, buck up and take it like a man.” Or, maybe I’ve just lost my mind! I don’t know but I have to go now. He’s calling me to get him some more toilet paper! This is going to be a long night.
Comments (32)
you had to have children. he has to have a colonoscopy
Oh man I so understand his pain and after I had mine done, and got the results and the Dr said she would see me in 10 years for another one, “I said, “Oh no you won”t.
I hope everything comes out ok-opps-I mean the results of the whole thing.geez I could do whole list of colonosocpy jokes but I better now.Hmm it is a crappy thing to have to have done-opps did I say that.
Oh so true! If men were responsible for bearing the children in our world, we would have zero population growth!@Love_in_102 -
Danny will be glad when he hears 10 years. I told him 5 years. Thanks for the rec! And I love the jokes!@Grannys_Place -
Hope the colonoscopy is not a big deal and goes smoothly!
Pretty funny! Sounds exactly like my hubby when he got his done. And of course, hubby was pretty funny on the drive home from the procedure being a little loopy from the meds they gave him.
My own SO suffers from Crohns disease and after a period of discomfort and bloating was referred to the local hospital’s colonoscopy unit. He, too, had to go through certain procedures although rather than take anything to clear his bowel (never a problem, frankly) he had to avoid solids and anything other than clear liquid for 8 hours prior to the visit.
Because of the sedation he had to take he was… peculiar… when I had to collect him, complete with wheelchair to deliver him to our good friend and neighbour who was to drive him to my parents where they would keep an eye on him. (I work at the same hospital, so it was all quite convenient for me.) It was like being with an obsessive drunk with no sense of humour. He was obsessed about MY house keys for some reason and went on and on and on and on about whether I had them with me. He had to remember how to walk from the chair to the car, he couldn’t remember very much at all. I was quite relieved to hand him over to our friend and get in to work.
But it looks like I’ll have to sedation to have a tooth removed… so perhaps he’ll see that side of ME!!
By the way, I am HUGELY sympathetic about his condition but there are aspects of it that can’t fail to make me laugh. People must think I’m horrible.
Thanks! So far, everything’s coming out all right!
@Thatslifekid -
My poor guy hasn’t slept much so I’m hoping that once we get home from the surgery center, he’ll sleep! Thanks for the Rec!@atticusfin -
I don’t think you’re horrible. Sometimes you have to laugh so you don’t cry! Someday, he and I will laugh together about this…but, I don’t think that day will be today! And my heart does go out to your SO, Crohn’s disease is a bitch! I had a bowel resection about 6 years ago because of chronic diverticulitis. So, I feel his pain!@holeinyoursoul -
@crankycaregiver - fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly and everyone has a restful day once it’s all done!
hehe. No sympathy here. They call it g0-lytely but there is no lite just the go. Should be called something more appropriate – intestinal TNT or some such.
@crankycaregiver - I don’t think people realise how debilitating bowel diseases can be. One of my closest friends suffers from ulcerative colitis – for a year or so he’ll be fine then without warning it will strike him hard. Last time he was too ill to work within a week and had 9 months off work. The specialists have told him that in their opinion he needs a colostomy but so far he won’t agree to it. Knowing people who suffer so much has made me very greatfull to have been spared!
I call it the Butt Blast!@murisopsis -
I too suffered with bowel problems for years before I had surgery for diverticulitis. I put the surgery off for many years because I feared I would wind up with a colostomy. I know what he’s going through. I’m hoping this test for Danny will turn out to be o.k. He has enough health issues without adding another one!@holeinyoursoul -
I remember when my dad had to have this done. He likes to be alone when he suffers, so my mom came and hung out with me for the day.
yikes. I’m so glad I haven’t done this yet. I’m even more glad I’ve never had to watch Mr. OBL do it.
Husband has been through one himself. I have been through something similar that required drinking nasty tasting stuff, then camping out all night in the bathroom to “be cleansed” for whatever procedure the next day. After husband had his done, lets just say he was more appreciative of what us women go through. And we’re not laughing at Danny, just with him…
This sounds terrible. My doctor keeps fussing at me to have one done and the more I read and hear about it the less likely I am to have one.
I wonder what the first meal he will want after it’s over will be. I enjoyed reading the part about him wanting, chicken, noodles, or even veggies in his broth. Maybe it would’ve been easier with tomato soup because people often eat that plain. May the test go well and everything be fine.
been there done that… never again!!!
My hubby had one a few weeks ago, along with his other siblings. For reasons that his dad did not let on and died of bowel cancer 20 yrs ago. So in reality, its necessary and not a concern to be checked early.
Went into hospital 9am and 10.20am got the call he was ready to be picked up and taken home.
He said he was awake through the whole proceedure. Claims, it was no hassle whatsoever. And Yes alot of butt jokes going around he,he even in New Zealand.
All the best, he will be just fine Im sure.
You mom was a very lucky woman!@Pepin909 -
You are also very lucky!@ordinarybutloud -
I haven’t quite let Danny know that I’ve written about his trials and tribulations regarding this procedure yet. I have to wait until his sense of humor returns!@armnatmom -
Do not get me wrong. This screening is very important after the age of 50. Preventive medicine and all that. But, you would think they could come up with an easier way to Prep.@C_L_O_G -
Had to be clear (you can see through) liquids. His request for a first meal is Prime Rib from our favorite restaurant, so Prime Rib it shall be!@Crystalinne -
Danny’s says the same thing! @jerjonji -
Actually, I’ve heard other people opt for not being put “out” during the actual procedure and they said it was no big deal but it was boring to lay there while a six foot camera was investigating your bowels. But, you are right. This is a very important test for everyone over 50.@spshelfriend -
@crankycaregiver - I think doctors enjoy torturing us. Sorry. I’ve had some bad experiences with them.
lol. poor guy.
I had one. All the years of maturity I had in me to toughen up against getting shots and seeing the doctor and sit still for a dentist drained out of me in an instant. I was scared, panicked, and felt very very vulnerable and like I was 10-years old. The doctor however was very nice with me and said – pretty sure he said this to be mean to me.
“Don’t worry – it will all come out in the end.”
Can I say … eww … Φ ≡